


can you hear (my heart beat?)

by DefiantDreams



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Accidents, Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Coma, Fantasy, Head Injury, Hospitals, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-14 00:50:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9149386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefiantDreams/pseuds/DefiantDreams
Summary: This wasn't where he was supposed to be. The last thing Yuuri remembered was skating and going into a Quad Salchow—something he hasn’t had a problem with in a while. He remembers making the right amount of rotations. He remembers flubbing the landing. He remembers the ice coming closer and closer, and then a loud crack.He looked around and his eyes widened at the transparent figures flitting around him. He looked down at himself, and his breath hitched in fear when he realized that he too was transparent. He was still wearing what he wore to practice that day, a loose shirt and black pants. He was even still wearing his ice skates.What was happening?In which Yuuri is not dead, but close enough. All he has to help guide him home are the voices of the people he loves.





	

**Author's Note:**

> it is 4 AM, i've been writing for God knows how long and i am dead inside.
> 
> pls send help???
> 
> unbeta-ed. if this fic looks familiar, you might have read it from another fandom 5 years back under this same username haha. obviously, it's better and longer because i write better now.

This wasn't where he was supposed to be. The last thing Yuuri remembered was skating and going into a Quad Salchow—something he hasn’t had a problem with in a while. He remembers making the right amount of rotations. He remembers flubbing the landing. He remembers the ice coming closer and closer, and then a loud crack.

_“You always mess up your jumps when you’re distracted.”_

Yuuri wrung his hands nervously and admitted that yes, he had been distracted. He had glimpsed Viktor going into a Quad Flip a few feet away from him at the corner of his eye and Viktor was just so  _beautiful,_ you really couldn’t blame Yuuri for his distraction.

He looked around and his eyes widened at the transparent figures flitting around him. He looked down at himself, and his breath hitched in fear when he realized that he too was transparent. He was even still wearing what he wore to practice that day, a loose shirt and black pants, complete with his ice skates.

What was happening? Was this a dream?

Yuuri’s fists clenched and he struggled to control his breathing. It wouldn’t do to have an anxiety attack. Not here, not while he was alone and lost. His chest tightened and Yuuri closed his eyes, letting out a shuddering breath. He tried, he really tried, but he couldn’t control the tears that started to well up in his eyes. Where was he? He has never felt so lost before in his life.

“Katsuki Yuuri, Katsuki Yuuri. Please proceed to gate 364.”

Yuuri jolted in surprise at the Japanese and looked around him, trying to pinpoint the source of the noise. Now that he looked closer, his surroundings were starting to look more and more like an airport. He narrows his eyes and hums thoughtfully. He spots a familiar poster of himself and his eyes widen in realization; he can’t help but let out a small gasp when he finally recognizes where he is. Narita Airport?

He turned back and he squeaked in surprise at the figure standing in front of him. The only word to describe her was unearthly. She was blond and beautiful, and Yuuri tried not to look at the red staining her white dress. Blood? She smiled at him, her figure flickering a bit and Yuuri blinked at her in confusion.

“Yuuri. You were called. Why aren’t you going to gate 364? They’re waiting for you,” she said softly, tilting her head at him curiously. Yuuri’s eyes widen at the perfect Japanese coming out of her month. He didn’t expect her to be able to speak Japanese, she looked very much Caucasian.

“Um. I don’t really know what I’m doing here,” he admitted nervously. “I think I’m dreaming? Maybe? I’m sorry.” 

The girl’s small smile suddenly disappeared. She gave him a distinctly uncomfortable look and opened her mouth before she closed it. Yuuri stared at her. The way she was looking at him made the fear come back full force.

“I don’t know how to say this,” she said carefully, giving him a sad, barely there smile. “This is a place called the In Between.”

“In Between?” Yuuri asked, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. “In Between what?”

“Life and Death.”

Yuuri’s heart skipped a bit and his jaw slackened. “What? No, you can’t be serious. I can’t be dead,” he protested harshly and she doesn’t reply. She stepped back and clenched her dainty hands around her dress. The red must be blood then, Yuuri realized. His sight blurred and he realized belatedly that he must be on the verge of crying.

It was too soon for him to die. He’s had so little time to enjoy, so little time to love Viktor. He had only just won silver in the Grand Prix Final a few months ago! He can’t be dead, he  _can’t_. There was so much more for him to do. He still hasn’t won a gold. He still hasn’t married Viktor yet. He still hasn’t had enough time with his friends and family.

He let out a broken sob, not even caring now how embarrassing he must look. The girl stepped closer towards him and hesitantly placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey,” she whispered and Yuuri struggled to wipe his tears away.

“I’m sorry,” He murmured and his chest heaved with the sobs that he was trying to keep in place.

“I… Please forgive me if I’m getting your hopes up, but I don’t think you’re dead,” she said gently. Yuuri’s head snapped up to meet her gaze and his eyes widened.

“What? What do you mean?” he gasped out, and looked down when she grasped his hand. He couldn't feel it. He stared, and he barely comprehended it when she finally replied.

"See?" She said shakily and gave him a smile. "You're not as see through as me."

Yuuri found that he had forgotten how to speak. He cleared his throat and looked away from their contrasting hands.

"What does that mean?" he asked, and he's not ashamed at how his voice cracks.

"I'm not sure," She said apologetically and gives him a wry smile. "If you go on to gate 364, I'm sure they'll explain it to you."

Yuuri tried to give her a thankful smile, but he's sure that it came out more like a grimace. He bowed instead in gratefulness and pulled his hand away from hers.

"Thank you...." He trailed off, and flushed slightly when he realized that he didn't even know or ask for her name.

She smiled at him gently and laughed. "Polly," She said simply. "I hope you get where you need to be."

"You too,” Yuuri replied softly. He looked around and sighed in relief at the signs pointing to gate numbers. He gave her another bow and followed the sign pointing to gate 364 with a heavy heart.

He walked, and walked, and walked, and walked. Yuuri had taken off his skates by now, and was holding them loosely in his hand. He didn't know what would happen if he left it behind somewhere, but he cared about these skates too much.

He was lost in his mind, he wasn’t really even looking at where he was going.

"You took awhile, did you get lost?" a friendly voice asked teasingly.

Yuuri flushed in embarrassment and looked up to see a man standing in front of a round gate clearly labelled 364. His mouth dried slightly at the sight in front of him. The man standing in front of him was handsome, and devastatingly so. Almost as handsome as Viktor, actually. However, the Japanese man in front of him had an ethereal quality surrounding him and there was just something about his kind smile and the crinkles at his eyes that took away the heaviness that was in Yuuri’s heart. He couldn’t help but smile back almost helplessly at the man. 

“I…Am I dead?” Yuuri asked, his voice small and pathetic. He winced inwardly, damn it Yuuri, you can be more confident than this.

“Nope,” The man said cheerfully and Yuuri blinked.

“Why am I here then?” He asked, biting his lip and dragging his hand through his hair in frustration. The man watched him, eyes soft and Yuuri gave him a pleading look. He just wanted to be back in Russia, in the rink with Viktor and Yurio and Mila and all the other Russian skaters.

“You’re in a coma, Yuuri,” He said gently and Yuuri’s eyes widened. “You hit your head pretty hard on the ice. They brought you to the hospital and the doctors did what they could, but it’s all up to you now.”

Yuuri looked down at the skates he was holding. Up to him? What could he do? How could he go back? He wrinkled his nose and nodded decisively in determination. He’d do  _anything_  to be where he was supposed to be.

“It’s easier said than done,” the man admitted, “but I’ve seen how hard you work and how hard you push yourself. You can do it.”

Yuuri stared at him in surprise. “You’ve seen me? Do I—Do I know you?” he stuttered.

The man tilted his head at Yuuri and gave him an odd smile. “I’ve been with you your whole life, Yuuri. I’ve watched you grow up. I’ve been waiting for you.”

“What?” Yuuri asked in disbelief. “Who are you?”

“My name is Kitaku.”

Yuuri didn’t mean to, but he couldn’t control the loud laugh that left his lips.

“Fitting,” he said simply and smiled at Kitaku. The other man smiled back warmly and leaned in closer to Yuuri.

“Yuuri. I’m going to tell you what you need to do to get back to your body, okay?” he said seriously, and Yuuri nodded as he twisted the bottom of his shirt through his hands. “All you need to do, is look for your body. I don’t know how much time you have, it’s different for everyone.”

Yuuri frowned at the thought of a time limit, but before he could speak up, Kitaku gave him a look and he closed his mouth.

“The world of the living doesn’t look, well, the way it usually does for you,” Kitaku told him apologetically. “I’m not sure how what form it’ll take for you. That’s different for everyone too. All you need to do is listen.”

“Listen,” Yuuri repeated slowly and Kitaku gave him a wry smile in reply.

“Yes,  _listen_.” Kitaku instructed. “But remember Yuuri, listen to the right voices. They will lead you to your body. Don’t be fooled by the other voices you hear. They won’t bring you home."

“Other voices? What? How will I know which voices are the right one?” Yuuri asked. His chest was starting to feel tight again and Yuuri absentmindedly clutched at his heart. There was no time for his anxiety right now, no matter how scared Yuuri was. Breathe.

“You’ll know what I mean once you go through the gate,” Kitaku said gently. “Are you ready?”

Yuuri’s jaw tightened and he stared at the unassuming metal gate indecisively. “I’m ready,” He said, eyes glinting in determination. He jolted in surprise as Kitaku put a hand on his shoulder.

The gate opened and Yuuri squinted at the bright light that pours out of it. He can’t see anything past the light and he shielded his eyes.

“I’ll see you again, Yuuri,” Kitaku murmured comfortingly. “Hopefully not any time soon,” He added and Yuuri let out a short laugh.

“See you,” He replied faintly, and walked into the light with his skates still held firmly in his right hand.

The moment he did, millions of voices rang out. He squeezed his eyes shut and let out a gasp at the barrage of sensation. He dropped his skates and they clattered noisily as Yuuri pressed his hands to his hears in an effort to block the sound. It didn’t help at all and Yuuri was forced to let the desperate voices wash over him like a tsunami.

“ _Baby, baby please...gumising ka. Sige na... Kailangan pa kita.”_

_“ฉันไม่สามารถอยู่ได้โดยปราศจากคุณ. ตื่นนอน.”_

_“Mama, is Papa sleeping?”_

_“이건 내 잘못이었어. 미안해.”_

_“They said that you can hear me. 听.”_

_“Tы сказал, что ты никогда не оставишь меня.”_

_“I think you should go home. We’ll call you if—when she wakes up.”_

_“Anh yêu em. Em thức dậy đi để anh được nói điều này với em.”_

Yuuri practically sobbed at all the voices, all the tears, and all the pleads that bombarded him. How was he going to find his way to his family and friends when he couldn’t even hear them among all the different voices?

He hiccuped slightly, and then… Silence. The silence that followed was eery after all the noise. He could practically hear the blood rushing through his veins at how quiet it was and the only sound he could hear was his own labored breathing. Yuuri noted that it was cold, and the ground beneath his knees was familiar.

When he finally opened his eyes, his eyes widened. He looked around, his hands coming down to rest at the ice beneath him.

He was in a skating rink.

An endless skating rink that stretched out into the darkness, but still very much a skating rink. No matter where Yuuri looked, all he could see was ice. He sat up and noted that his figure skates were right beside him. Good thing he brought them after all, he chuckled.

He put them on, and it comforted him. This was something familiar. He laced them tightly and stood up gracefully. He still couldn’t hear anything but himself and he frowned worriedly.

Just as he thought that, a voice echoed near his left. 

 _“I miss you so much.”_  

He froze. He turned towards it and bit his lip. It didn’t sound like anyone he knew but if that was the only voice he could hear, then maybe he should follow it?

He sighed and stared at the ice in front of him. He took a hesitant stride forward but a cool breeze tickled his neck and he shuddered.

 _“You fucking asshole! I hope you fucking die! You killed my sister, you worthless drunk driving piece of shit!”_ A loud voice snarled from the direction his back was facing and Yuuri flinched at the rage and despair he could hear in it.

Okay. So not in front of him and not behind him, Yuuri noted. That was all he had, really. He didn’t want to just wait where he was. He could be far away from his body in Russia. He nodded to himself decisively and skated to his left. Maybe he’d hear a familiar voice soon.

Yuuri skated aimlessly for a while, just going in a straight line and ignoring all the other voices that he  _knew_  weren’t meant for him.

“ _Happy birthday!”_ A voice called out right next to his ear, fake cheer in it. “ _Wake up so we can celebrate it, Chi chi.”_

Yuuri skidded to a stop curiously. This was the loudest voice he has heard so far. After the initial noise and overstimulation, the other voices had been like the wind, there but not really. He looked around, eyes narrowed and slowly started skating again. It was no good to be distracted. It might be the loudest, but it wasn’t meant for him.

He huffed and looked down at the ice in front of him. He shrieked in surprise and stopped quickly, just barely sliding over the still body of a young girl. He stared at it before realizing that she must be in a coma also. He frowns just as the same voice from earlier spoke again.

 _“心肝, I’ll buy you that makeup you wanted if you wake up right now. Promise.”_ The voice swore and Yuuri smiled sadly. He should probably go and move on. He wasn’t meant to hear this.

 _“I know this is bad timing, and I know I should say it when you’re awake but… Chi chi, I realized that I’m in love you. I can’t lose you.”_ The distinctly female voice murmured regretfully. 

Yuuri heard a gasp next to him and he looked towards it. His eyes widened in surprise at the transparent barefoot girl standing on the ice with awe in her eyes and a smile on her face. She was looking up at the voice and her hands were clasped tight to her chest.

She looked down and met Yuuri’s gaze.

“Chi Chi?” Yuuri said hesitantly and the Chinese girl beamed at him. She nods and then kneels down beside her body. Yuuri blinks as his eyesight suddenly becomes blurry, showing him two different things at once.

He can see the ice that he’s intimately familiar with, but he can also see the green grass underneath Chi Chi’s body.

“Good luck,” she said and Yuuri nodded in reply. “Listen to your heart,” she told him. Yuuri flushed and watched as she reached out to her body. He blinked and then she’s gone, the only sign that she was ever there is the grass on the ice rink. 

He blinked again and then soon enough, that too was gone. 

Yuuri let out a breath that he didn’t even know he was holding. He was happy for her, but he knew that he had to find his own body. He had to get back. He had to get home.

* * *

 

Yuuri wandered. He tried to listen for the voices he knew, but no matter how hard he tried, he only heard voices that weren’t meant for him.

At times, Yuuri thought he heard someone calling out to him. He’d turn and let himself be led by the voices, hope filling up his entire being. He’d skate faster with excitement at the thought of being reunited with his friends and Viktor, only to be disappointed when he realized the voices weren’t meant for him.

Was anyone even calling out to him?

Yuuri should have learned by now not to get his hopes up.

* * *

 Yuuri wandered. He bumped into more lost souls like him, just trying to find their own bodies. If Yuuri looked at them too long, he’d see double and get a glimpse of how their world looked. They barely acknowledged each other though, too lost in their own desperate search.

At times, Yuuri had watched people reunite with their bodies. It gave him bits of hope, just enough to keep him going. Just enough to keep him skating.

Yuuri should have learned by now not to get his hopes up, but he still does anyway.

* * *

 Yuuri was tired. He was past frustrated now. He didn’t need to eat or drink or sleep, but it was tiring for him to keep skating around when he had no concrete direction to go.

Yuuri groaned and slid a hand through his hair. He just wanted to go home. He just wanted to be with Viktor and Makkachin. Yuuri wouldn’t admit it to them, but he even missed Yakov yelling at him and Yurio criticizing him.

Yuuri wanted to give up. He just wanted to lie down on the ice and just wait until his time was up. But he couldn’t. Not when he knew that people were waiting for him to wake up. Viktor was probably worried sick about him. Yuuri rubbed the ring on his hand absentmindedly and he sighed.

Yuuri skated,

and skated,

and skated,

and skated.

He felt like he had been skating for  _days._ If he ever got back to his body, Yuuri didn’t think he’d want to skate again for a while.  _If_  he ever got to his body. He chuckled to himself, and ignored how hysterical his own laughter sounded and how it echoed in the emptiness around him.

He ignored the tear that rolled down his cheek. No good. No time. Yuuri let out a frustrated huff of air and looked up at the darkness, hoping for a sign.

“Yuuri,” A voice called out gently behind him. Yuuri turned around, heart in his throat in hope.

It was Kitaku.

“You don’t have much time left, Yuuri,” Kitaku said regretfully and Yuuri felt all his hope sizzle and burn. He stared at Kitaku and Kitaku closed his eyes, brows furrowed.

“You’re not listening,” He said and Yuuri took a step back. He’s irrationally angry and offended at that and he clenched his fists.

“Kitaku, I’ve been trying! I’ve been listening but I can’t hear anyone I know!” Yuuri yelled, but Kitaku didn’t even look bothered at how angry Yuuri was.

“Listen to your  _heart,_ not the voices around you,” Kitaku insisted and gave him a meaningful look. Yuuri scrunched up his face and dragged a hand over it angrily.

“What does that even mean?” he scowled and Kitaku sighed, shaking his head. “That’s all I can tell you, Yuuri. I’m sorry,” Kitaku replied regretfully, and faded away.

“No!” Yuuri cried out, his hand reaching out towards nothing.

Listen to his heart? How was that going to help him? The only one who could have helped him was gone and all he had left Yuuri with was some stupid clichéd advice.

Yuuri brought his right hand up and pressed his lips to the gold ring on his finger. He closed his eyes and tried to control his harsh breathing. He thought of Viktor wrapped around him in bed, calming him down and breathing so easily that Yuuri tried to match the breaths of the Viktor in his memory.

He thought of how Viktor hugged him before and after competitions and how it eased his nerves. Viktor was always a source of comfort for his anxiety. Viktor grounded him like no other. Viktor… Viktor was home.

He let out a small smile and his heart thudded at the thoughts of Viktor. He listened to the thud of his heart, falling deeper and deeper into thoughts of Viktor and his smile and his eyes and his hair and the feel of his lips and his hands and his body.

He listened to his heart.

_Thud thud. Thud thud. Thud thud._

_“I got you katsudon, pig.”_

Yuuri’s head snapped up in the direction of the voice. Was that…? It was so faint that Yuuri thought he imagined it out of desperation.

“ _If you don’t wake up, I’m going to eat it, I swear,”_ a very familiar voice growls out and Yuuri laughs brokenly.  _Yurio._ Yuuri has never been more thankful to hear the brat’s voice. He can hardly hear Yurio but it’s better than nothing.

 _“Yura,”_ a warm, smooth voice scolded, “ _don’t be mean to your mom.”_

Yuuri felt his heart grow ten times bigger and fill his chest.

“Viktor!” he gasped and his ring seemed to heat and brighten in the dark in response to Viktor’s name. He laughed and his smile wobbled at the thought of his ring responding to Viktor’s name. He was going crazy.

He knew where to go.

 _“Shut up! He’s not my mom and you’re not my dad.”_ Yurio snapped and Yuuri can hear the scowl in his voice. Yuuri skated towards the voices of his fiancé and his rinkmate, filled with the hope that had previously abandoned him.

Yuuri was giddy at the thought that he was so close to home. He could feel it and his ring seemed to feel it also as it became warmer and brighter with each stride he took closer to Viktor and Yurio.

He was so tired a while ago, but now Yuuri was filled with so much energy in his bones, in his muscles,  _in his heart_. He was so near. So close to home. So close to  _Viktor_.

“ _Something’s wrong,_ ” Viktor suddenly said, his voice hinting at panic. “ _What the? The monitors are…? We need a doctor!”_

Yuuri’s eyes widened. “Don’t leave!” he yelled, waving his arms frantically. 

 _‘You have 59 seconds left to find your body, Katsuki Yuuri.’_ Kitaku’s voice echoed around him.

No. No. No. No no no no  _no!_  He had to get back, he couldn’t leave Viktor, he  _couldn’t_. He was so close, Viktor and Yurio were getting louder and louder but the rink…The rink was melting!

Yuuri let out a sob and almost stumbled over how uneven the ice felt underneath him.  _He was so close._ Yuuri wasn’t going to let go of the greatest thing in his life when it was calling out to him. He hiccuped slightly and pushed himself to skate faster, faster than he had ever before.

“ _Yuuri—I love you, okay? I called the doctor, you’re gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay, Yuuri. I promise. Please be okay.”_ Viktor said desperately, practically pleading and Yuuri let out a distraught moan.

“Vitya!” Yuuri called out weakly. Viktor just had to keep talking, keep leading Yuuri to him. Yuuri will come home to him, no matter what it takes.

_‘You have 10 seconds left to find your body, Yuuri.’_

_No!_

Yuuri could feel it. He could feel the ice beneath him crack and melt and he struggled to jump and skate around, over and between them.

_8._

“Give me more time.” He whispered, just continuing to glide on the ice. He couldn’t stop. He  _wouldn’t_  stop.

_7._

_“Yuuri.”_  Viktor moaned in despair and Yuuri clenched his jaw in determination.

_6._

“ _I can’t live without you._ ” A glint of gold catches Yuuri’s eye. His ring!

_5._

“ _Please, Yuuri._ ” …And his body?? Was it? Yuuri could hardly breathe.

_4._

“ _Don’t leave me._ ” It was.

_3._

“ _You gave me life and love._ ” Yuuri took the chance and leaped the last few feet in front of him towards his body laying prone on the ice.

_2._

“ _I love you._ ” All he needs is one touch, and he’ll be back where he belongs.

_1._

“ _Yuuri_!” 

* * *

 “Yuuri,” a voice whispered. 

Where… Where was he?

“Yuuri?” 

Yuuri opened his eyes slowly and blinked blearily at the bright light. He squinted, and then he smiled at the beautiful blue eyes that meet his gaze.

“Victor.”

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to keep the languages to the Eastern countries, since that’s where Yuuri would be near. I just google translated most of them, so I’m really sorry if it’s wrong HAHA.
> 
> Filipino: Wake up. I need you.
> 
> Thai: I can not live without you. Wake up.
> 
> Korean: This is my fault. I’m sorry.
> 
> Chinese: Listen.
> 
> Russian: You said you’d never leave me.
> 
> Vietnamese: I love you. Wake up so I can say it to your face.
> 
> Follow me @ [Tumblr](https://gia-comeatme.tumblr.com) if ur into Chris and want fic updates. It's a secondary blog but I'll follow u back w my main <3


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